I try very hard to not face my emotional pain, mostly empty nest. Now it’s hitting me again, double barrel, with the grandkids growing and leaving. I’ve saved everything, original Star Wars toys, Legos, baby blankets, shoes, books. I have an area set up for the grandkids to play. They love playing with their parent’s toys. If I let them go I have to face the pain.
Boom! My basement flooded with sewage, on Christmas, from clogged city pipes. Now I’m forced to make those decisions. The pain is a tsunami. At my age it’s 40 years painful more painful.
I've heard the empty nest is painful, I am getting glimpses of it now as our son will be a senior in high school next year. It's hard letting go of memories like that. For myself it's the books we used to read our son.
That's so awful with your basement!! Painful and necessary decisions now. Hugs
Running ! ? I raced for the first 28 years of my life. In between self medicating with men. Cigarettes. Liquor , intermittent exercise with a smattering of therapists. I. A suffer of panic disorder and mood swings. Hit a wall . Rebuilt pieces by pieces. Keep writing . I can hear your pain .
So true. Funny you said that. I was just saying the exact same thing to my husband yesterday when we were wondering if things would be different if we lived somewhere else.
This is so raw and genuine, Jane, and that's how we connect deeply to each other. I think finding friendship within ourselves is the best cure for this lifelong struggle to be safely recognized. You are the one person you can truly trust to never leave you. I've found that seeing my inner self as almost a separate person helps me to be kinder and more welcoming to myself. Sorry for your friendship loss. That is a unique kind of pain. May you find comfort❤️
Absolutely makes sense. The fact that you're having these feelings says you're aware and doing the work of being human. Many just keep numbing. So good work!
I have come to realize, and only recently, that the losses (both parents +grandparents-we were close) I endured in my early to mid-twenties and the tsunami of grief I buried - were the most impactful events of my life. That buried grief haunted me until I started feeling it with the help of a therapist six years ago. The pain of the grief manifested in all sorts of harmful behaviors - all of which I was oblivious to the root cause. Anyway, I relate! 💙
I'm so sorry for your losses, Susan. Losses of parents/grandparents in your 20 is so difficult. I was in my 20s when I lost my Dad and I think of all of those years we could've had.
I think when you start to feel it. It hits. Unresolved grief can come outside ways sometime.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I truly appreciate you stopping by to chat
This is gorgeous, Jane. Something I feel deeply. I lost my best friend at 31 - cervical cancer. She left behind her beautiful daughter who was 11. Lots of contemplating today x
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Jane!
Thank you!
Beautiful and vulnerable post Jane. I believe we have all been running away from ourselves for one reason or another. I know I certainly have.
Thanks so much Hege for reading and commenting on my post. I think realizing it is the first step
I agree!
Yep, still going through the process in a way for everything related to my childhood.
I hear you. It takes time
Yep. Lots 🫂
❤️
Feeling all this!!! Disassociating is my middle name.
It's so easy to do sometimes.
Beautiful. Hugs to you ❤️🩹
Thanks, Darcy ❤️
I try very hard to not face my emotional pain, mostly empty nest. Now it’s hitting me again, double barrel, with the grandkids growing and leaving. I’ve saved everything, original Star Wars toys, Legos, baby blankets, shoes, books. I have an area set up for the grandkids to play. They love playing with their parent’s toys. If I let them go I have to face the pain.
Boom! My basement flooded with sewage, on Christmas, from clogged city pipes. Now I’m forced to make those decisions. The pain is a tsunami. At my age it’s 40 years painful more painful.
I've heard the empty nest is painful, I am getting glimpses of it now as our son will be a senior in high school next year. It's hard letting go of memories like that. For myself it's the books we used to read our son.
That's so awful with your basement!! Painful and necessary decisions now. Hugs
I think I find myself running away from myself in my dreams. Lots to think about. Beautiful Jane! ✨💜
That's interesting with your dreams. Have you ever tried to analyze them?
Thanks so much for commenting and stopping by! It's always nice to see you!!
Running ! ? I raced for the first 28 years of my life. In between self medicating with men. Cigarettes. Liquor , intermittent exercise with a smattering of therapists. I. A suffer of panic disorder and mood swings. Hit a wall . Rebuilt pieces by pieces. Keep writing . I can hear your pain .
So many things we can use to numb and become addicted to. Hang in there. I appreciate you!
Jane. Appreciate your “hang in there “ I’ve paid my dues . No longer need affirmation. I listen to others and guide.
That’s awesome!
I wrote this a few years ago. It is about the only poem I have written.
My friend died today
The death was unexpected
My friend was loved and will be missed
But the world will keep turning
We enjoyed talking and dreaming
We talked about hunting ducks
But he never went
We talked about hunting deer
but I never went
We dreamed about fishing in the ocean
but we never went
My friend died today
We all fight demons
We all carry weight
Some can fight the demons
Some can carry the weight
He carried more weight than most
He fought more demons than others
Asking for help was not his way
The weight was too heavy to bare
The demons overtook his thoughts
He never called
So, I never knew
My heart is broken
The weight is lifted
The demons are gone
Rest in peace my friend
To Robert Meyers
From Glenn McCutchen
I'm sorry about your friend. My eyes teared up reading your poem. Thanks for sharing here with us.
One of my favorite sayings: “wherever you go, there you are.” I think I learned that early for some reason.
So true. Funny you said that. I was just saying the exact same thing to my husband yesterday when we were wondering if things would be different if we lived somewhere else.
This is so raw and genuine, Jane, and that's how we connect deeply to each other. I think finding friendship within ourselves is the best cure for this lifelong struggle to be safely recognized. You are the one person you can truly trust to never leave you. I've found that seeing my inner self as almost a separate person helps me to be kinder and more welcoming to myself. Sorry for your friendship loss. That is a unique kind of pain. May you find comfort❤️
Thanks so much,Trevy. I agree, we have ourselves and in the end it us only us if that makes sense.
I like how you added the perspective as seeing yourself as a separate person. A perspective I am working to see more
I appreciate your words of encouragement ❤️
Absolutely makes sense. The fact that you're having these feelings says you're aware and doing the work of being human. Many just keep numbing. So good work!
Thanks so much, Trevy
I have come to realize, and only recently, that the losses (both parents +grandparents-we were close) I endured in my early to mid-twenties and the tsunami of grief I buried - were the most impactful events of my life. That buried grief haunted me until I started feeling it with the help of a therapist six years ago. The pain of the grief manifested in all sorts of harmful behaviors - all of which I was oblivious to the root cause. Anyway, I relate! 💙
I'm so sorry for your losses, Susan. Losses of parents/grandparents in your 20 is so difficult. I was in my 20s when I lost my Dad and I think of all of those years we could've had.
I think when you start to feel it. It hits. Unresolved grief can come outside ways sometime.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I truly appreciate you stopping by to chat
Thank you, Jane. I’m sorry for yours too. Your essay has me writing - something I haven’t done in weeks. Thanks for that.
That's so awesome! I'm looking forward to reading!
This is gorgeous, Jane. Something I feel deeply. I lost my best friend at 31 - cervical cancer. She left behind her beautiful daughter who was 11. Lots of contemplating today x
I'm so sorry, Carolyn. That is heartbreaking and so unfair. Life doesn't makes sense sometimes