How did you get inside my head again? I’m a recovering perfectionist. It’s hard, especially with menopause brain. I just saw a new study where menopause causes a 30% drop in brain energy levels. They took scans of the brain. We aren’t crazy. It’s scientific. Do what you can when you can and give yourself grace. That’s what I try to tell myself. Doesn’t always mean it works, I’m still harder on myself than I probably should be. You’re a great mom, wife, friend, business owner, and woman. Never forget your worth despite the overwhelming feelings.
"It's science yo!" As Jessie would say on Breaking Bad. Now I'm going to take my own advice and take a break and watch the clouds before I pick my son up etc etc
Thanks Lori! It is a challenge. I used to be able to fit in 10 -15 pet sitting jobs a day and now I struggle with 7 or 8. Then there's everything else to balance. We need to give ourselves grace. I hope this menopause fog goes away
This all sounds so familiar. Firstly, you are amazing doing all that you are doing. But yes, the perfectionism, the menopause brain, the overwhelm, I hear you on all of it. I've spent so many hours beating myself up for things because I still expect to be able to handle it all without any flinching or faltering. In truth, it's just not realistic or fair on ourselves, particularly in our current stage of life. I find that I need more time to recharge than I used to which, in turn, requires a deeper level of kindness with myself. Much easier said than done sometimes but definitely worth it.
Thanks! All of it I know. We do need to be realistic and fair to ourselves. I don't under stand why I can't do the same things I could a few years ago. We went through a pandemic, there was a lapse of time and disorientation that I can't explain. It affected all of us. I went through menopausal transition in 2020 on top of it all. I like how you said needing more time to recharge. Thanks You!! I will remind myself
You're so right, the pandemic disorientation alone was a lot for any of us to have to deal with, but compounded by menopause plus the daily struggles,it's been a really tough journey. We're earned the right to slow down a little and be kind to ourselves.
Hi Jane , ADHD at times can be like PTSD. I never knew this until a childhood friend got in touch with me after 45 years . We were to opposites , he was kind and polite me a semi bully . I always stuck up for him when people would call him dumb or stupid , but back then there was no such thing as ADHD . So i always had his back . He goes through the same things you do know , thinks he was a failure , he let people down . Like I told him you re far from a failure , great kids , nice wife a house .If anyone was or is a failure it was me .Have none of the above and as you can see can barely type or spell . Yet mine is from ptsd which also wasn't a thing back than . you are doing fine hang in their .
Thank you. Back when I was in school waaay back. You either dyslexic or intellectually impaired there was no diagnosis, no awareness no support. I'm thankful our medical and education systems have caught up. There is a generation of us. Gen X mostly women that had to struggle with this and were over looked. ADHD can cause Complex Ptsd because of a life time of being misunderstood.
I wish my ptsd was from adhd , mine isn't .mine was a series of things from 10 when my dad died , to 13 . It has stayed with me like a nightmare . You are strong will get over this . There are many ups and downs, in out lives daily , ever think we are the normal ones .Because all in all we can except them easier . I can blame my ptsd and you and my friend adhd . Your doing great or you wouldn't be posting on here , so keep it up.
I wish i could have tried every therapy out there . They said try like you do . so I joined here / Sadly know one wanted to listen .Here you have many that do , very happy for you .
You had a major win in this if you ask me. Your teenage son wanted to have a meal with you and he texted you! In teenage world, that’s HUGE! I’m am celebrating the small wins that are really a sign of you being an amazing mom and human soul.
Also, I saw a meme (so I know it’s true) that says “Feel like a bad mom? Quokkas toss their babies at predators so they can escape”… that always makes me feel better about the mom guilt (for whatever reason it is triggered).
Jane, I really feel for you! I would have been a mess in your situation by 9 a.m. already. Thanks for sharing so honestly. And congratulations on addressing burnout before it actually does you in. I love how you outlined workable solutions. Wishing you the best.
Perfectionism and ADHD are a disasterous combo. As a recovering perfectionist, I totally understand the anxiety and feelings of constant failure it elicits. Almost every man in my life has ADHD so I have learned a lot over the years of living with it and loving my people. Grace and compassion are what I offer my people and myself. There is no perfect. You are not a failure. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. 💜
They are a disastrous combination! I think perfectionism in ADHD has a lot to do with feeling to overcompensate and hide what is you. Grace and compassion that I give to everyone else, I need to give to myself. Thanks so much for your kind words, Janine
I was definitely burned out a few years ago, and every now and again I encounter something small that immediately makes me freak out in a major burn-out kind of way. It happened today, it was bullshit and totally unnecessary since it resolved itself nearly immediately. Recognizing what's happening is an important first step though :)
There are only twenty four hours in every day, and we only have to do each day once. It’s good that you’re realising that you’re not doing so well before you start to really get close to burnout. Please be kind to yourself. Sending best wishes. 💚
How did you get inside my head again? I’m a recovering perfectionist. It’s hard, especially with menopause brain. I just saw a new study where menopause causes a 30% drop in brain energy levels. They took scans of the brain. We aren’t crazy. It’s scientific. Do what you can when you can and give yourself grace. That’s what I try to tell myself. Doesn’t always mean it works, I’m still harder on myself than I probably should be. You’re a great mom, wife, friend, business owner, and woman. Never forget your worth despite the overwhelming feelings.
"It's science yo!" As Jessie would say on Breaking Bad. Now I'm going to take my own advice and take a break and watch the clouds before I pick my son up etc etc
Haven’t seen breaking bad yet. Get those clouds my friend, they’re the best!!
Thanks. Beautiful afternoon here. You have to watch Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. Best shows ever
That’s what I hear!! Some day 😁
Thanks Lori! It is a challenge. I used to be able to fit in 10 -15 pet sitting jobs a day and now I struggle with 7 or 8. Then there's everything else to balance. We need to give ourselves grace. I hope this menopause fog goes away
You’re welcome and I can’t wait until that fog lifts also!
I hear ya. I'm chilling with a cider now.
This all sounds so familiar. Firstly, you are amazing doing all that you are doing. But yes, the perfectionism, the menopause brain, the overwhelm, I hear you on all of it. I've spent so many hours beating myself up for things because I still expect to be able to handle it all without any flinching or faltering. In truth, it's just not realistic or fair on ourselves, particularly in our current stage of life. I find that I need more time to recharge than I used to which, in turn, requires a deeper level of kindness with myself. Much easier said than done sometimes but definitely worth it.
Thanks! All of it I know. We do need to be realistic and fair to ourselves. I don't under stand why I can't do the same things I could a few years ago. We went through a pandemic, there was a lapse of time and disorientation that I can't explain. It affected all of us. I went through menopausal transition in 2020 on top of it all. I like how you said needing more time to recharge. Thanks You!! I will remind myself
You're so right, the pandemic disorientation alone was a lot for any of us to have to deal with, but compounded by menopause plus the daily struggles,it's been a really tough journey. We're earned the right to slow down a little and be kind to ourselves.
Hi Jane , ADHD at times can be like PTSD. I never knew this until a childhood friend got in touch with me after 45 years . We were to opposites , he was kind and polite me a semi bully . I always stuck up for him when people would call him dumb or stupid , but back then there was no such thing as ADHD . So i always had his back . He goes through the same things you do know , thinks he was a failure , he let people down . Like I told him you re far from a failure , great kids , nice wife a house .If anyone was or is a failure it was me .Have none of the above and as you can see can barely type or spell . Yet mine is from ptsd which also wasn't a thing back than . you are doing fine hang in their .
Thank you. Back when I was in school waaay back. You either dyslexic or intellectually impaired there was no diagnosis, no awareness no support. I'm thankful our medical and education systems have caught up. There is a generation of us. Gen X mostly women that had to struggle with this and were over looked. ADHD can cause Complex Ptsd because of a life time of being misunderstood.
I wish my ptsd was from adhd , mine isn't .mine was a series of things from 10 when my dad died , to 13 . It has stayed with me like a nightmare . You are strong will get over this . There are many ups and downs, in out lives daily , ever think we are the normal ones .Because all in all we can except them easier . I can blame my ptsd and you and my friend adhd . Your doing great or you wouldn't be posting on here , so keep it up.
Thank you. I'm so sorry you went through that
Thank you , I tried to explain all that happened once in a post on here . never again .So I just hold it all in . hugs and love to you and your family
So sorry that happened to you. Writing for myself is therapy
I wish i could have tried every therapy out there . They said try like you do . so I joined here / Sadly know one wanted to listen .Here you have many that do , very happy for you .
You had a major win in this if you ask me. Your teenage son wanted to have a meal with you and he texted you! In teenage world, that’s HUGE! I’m am celebrating the small wins that are really a sign of you being an amazing mom and human soul.
Thanks so much Teri! It is!!
Also, I saw a meme (so I know it’s true) that says “Feel like a bad mom? Quokkas toss their babies at predators so they can escape”… that always makes me feel better about the mom guilt (for whatever reason it is triggered).
Jane, you are enough. In case you haven’t heard from anyone else or yourself lately… it’s true (though sometimes difficult to believe).
Thanks so much for your kind words! It's something I tell everyone but not myself
Jane, I really feel for you! I would have been a mess in your situation by 9 a.m. already. Thanks for sharing so honestly. And congratulations on addressing burnout before it actually does you in. I love how you outlined workable solutions. Wishing you the best.
Thanks so much Sandra. Sometimes I need to step back and look at the situation with new eyes and grace
Perfectionism and ADHD are a disasterous combo. As a recovering perfectionist, I totally understand the anxiety and feelings of constant failure it elicits. Almost every man in my life has ADHD so I have learned a lot over the years of living with it and loving my people. Grace and compassion are what I offer my people and myself. There is no perfect. You are not a failure. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. 💜
They are a disastrous combination! I think perfectionism in ADHD has a lot to do with feeling to overcompensate and hide what is you. Grace and compassion that I give to everyone else, I need to give to myself. Thanks so much for your kind words, Janine
This is awesome, Jane! You handle vulnerability and authenticity REALLY well!!
Thank you
I was definitely burned out a few years ago, and every now and again I encounter something small that immediately makes me freak out in a major burn-out kind of way. It happened today, it was bullshit and totally unnecessary since it resolved itself nearly immediately. Recognizing what's happening is an important first step though :)
Isn't that weird how it happens? I thought it was just me. It's almost like a trauma response. I didn't think of it that way
There are only twenty four hours in every day, and we only have to do each day once. It’s good that you’re realising that you’re not doing so well before you start to really get close to burnout. Please be kind to yourself. Sending best wishes. 💚
Thank you and so true. I know the why now and that is half of the battle