It was only 3pm and I wanted to crawl into my bed and hide. What caused me to get to this point of complete frustration? Where did this mini breakdown come from? Was it the lack of stress tolerance from menopause? Was that it? Maybe it was a reminder that I have suffered burnout a few times in the last few years. I knew I was becoming more aware of the signs now.
How did I start this cycle again?
I reviewed my day in hope to find answers
I was up at 5:45 am. I dressed. I fed my cats. I made myself breakfast.
I check Substack for reads and likes… a dopamine hit maybe. I checked a few business emails and texted back a client or two after I vowed to myself that I would not answer messages before 8am. It is now 6:23 am. What am I doing?
I headed out to my next two pet sitting jobs and then I’m back home at 8:15 I felt accomplished. Then I see I didn’t feed my dog. He needed his pills too. Now he’s not eating. I added some shredded cheese to his food. Still not eating. I saw dirty dishes around me and my to do list in my brain. I felt like I was drowning.
I dropped my son off at camp at 8:45. I made it to my next job at 9 am
I'm starting to count my failures again
At my next job, one cat that was supposed to stay separate from the other cats, squeezed past me. He wanted to play but causes chaos with the older cats. The other cat didn’t take her meds that I cleverly mixed into her food. I’d try later. I felt like I was starting to count my failures.
I had an hour. I squeezed in a shower and headed back out to pick up my son. He suggests lunch at a place we haven't been to for a while. I agreed, why not? I was showered and dried my hair! I felt proud of myself being impulsive.
After we ordered I glanced down at my keys that looked like they belonged to a janitor. The lightning bolt hit me! I forgot to leave one of pet sitters the key! She would need it for her next job.
I felt like a failure as a business owner and mom
I called her and arranged to meet with the key, leaving my son alone in the restaurant He’s 16, but still. I felt like a failure as a mom and a business owner. I rushed to get there and tried not drive too fast. Everyone seemed to be going below the speed limit. My frustration was continuing to build.
Finally, I when I returned to the restaurant, I noticed a text with my son asking where I was. I thought of all the times I missed important events because of work and the business I run. Mom guilt. I felt the lowest of low.
We chatted about his morning I was thankful for that. I wanted to talk more. I didn’t know where the time went. I am the mother on an 11th grader now.
After lunch I ran into my house. I forgot my banking statement. The dishwasher was full, and sink was filled with dishes. Another reminder of my failures.
My next job was a comedy of errors at best. I picked up the mail at the end of the long driveway. I left it in my car 2x. My mind was racing of what needed to be done the rest of the day. I had client calls to make, I needed to follow up on the hiring process of a a pet sitter… the housework. I had to take my son to work later. What about dinner? There would be administrative work to do and more pet sitting and then it would be 6 am again.
The pain and shame of having ADHD and perfectionism
Some days I feel anxious over. Every. Single. Thing. Sometimes it is agony, being in my head. It’s my internal self-critic that won’t give me a break. My lack of organization. The pain of having ADHD and feeling like I have to work harder than everyone else. I feel I have to prove myself to the world. I will not be called stupid or lazy ever again.
I will stop this cycle of burnout. My body is telling me I need to
I remind myself that I will not start this burnout cycle. It is perfectionism, lack of planning and boundaries that puts me here. I am recognizing it now. You are enough Jane! You will stop this burnout cycle again. My body is telling me I can’t live this way
What changes can I make?
*Asking for help. My husband isn’t a mind reader, and we are a team.
* Get more sleep (try to)
*Keeping my own boundaries especially for my business hours
*Stop scrolling!!!!! This only adds to stress and overwhelm
*Start the day quietly and that includes no phone.
*Breathe (that doesn’t always work, but I can pause)
I hope to learn this time. I hope this spiraling stops in it’s tracks. I hope my brain scribbles stop and I can get clarity. I have to veer off this path and slow down. I’ll figure it maybe this time.
Questions of the week:
How do you balance work and your personal life?
Have you ever struggled with perfectionism?
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How did you get inside my head again? I’m a recovering perfectionist. It’s hard, especially with menopause brain. I just saw a new study where menopause causes a 30% drop in brain energy levels. They took scans of the brain. We aren’t crazy. It’s scientific. Do what you can when you can and give yourself grace. That’s what I try to tell myself. Doesn’t always mean it works, I’m still harder on myself than I probably should be. You’re a great mom, wife, friend, business owner, and woman. Never forget your worth despite the overwhelming feelings.
This all sounds so familiar. Firstly, you are amazing doing all that you are doing. But yes, the perfectionism, the menopause brain, the overwhelm, I hear you on all of it. I've spent so many hours beating myself up for things because I still expect to be able to handle it all without any flinching or faltering. In truth, it's just not realistic or fair on ourselves, particularly in our current stage of life. I find that I need more time to recharge than I used to which, in turn, requires a deeper level of kindness with myself. Much easier said than done sometimes but definitely worth it.