Where do I rank as a writer? I know I’m not for everyone.
I am honored for those who follow me and comments on my posts. I am grateful beyond words for my free and paid subscribers.
Where is this heaviness come from? Is it from the sense of discouragement?
Am I reaching limbo once again? Is this signaling a time for growth? I’m at a point where I’m wondering what is next for everything. Do I need more time to navigate the direction I’m going in?
My pet sitting business and changes
With my business, I’m sitting back and watching my contractors do more of my jobs. I’m not working 24/7 anymore. I’m thankful for that and for them. I also wonder where I fit in as a pet sitter and business owner. The administrative part of my job doesn’t come easy for me. It’s even more of a challenge to “sit back”. A few years ago, my business was voted top in the area. In the past year I’ve pulled back to restructure my business and work with my physical limitations. I see other business taking the top spot now. I still have a deep aching for where I rank.
My knees swell daily, and it sucks. They are a reminder of when I reached my limits. I also have calcified tendonitis of my shoulder from overuse. The irony of it all I look healthy and am told I look in shape. In someways I am.
Letting go
Am I sitting back in this new phase of my life? Not really. I’m slowly accepting the reality of my limitations. At the same time, I’m using them to grow my business in a different direction. It also means letting go. I still feel the devastation of it some days.
I am also a mom of a teen. He’s almost 17. The changes are coming so fast! He’s learning to drive; he has his first job and in 2 years he will graduate from high school. I’m not sure where I fit in there, but I will always be here. I am his mom.
Writing here on Substack
As a writer here on Substack I started this as a platform of my writing. I was and am in a continuing part of transition and transformation. I’ve noticed my posts getting more likes and more engagements. Then I notice unsubscribes. I still wonder if I’m enough and when the other shoe will drop. Then I compare. I usually don’t or haven’t been comparing to other writers, but it’s something I started.
Why do I write?
I have to remember my why. Why am I a writer? I am a writer because I’ve written my whole life. I am a writer and I write because I need too. I write because it is freeing. I write and have always written for myself.
Where will my writing take me next? What is the game plan? Is there more for me? Can I supplement a living from this in addition to my pet sitting business? I see so many talented writers, artists that will probably never make it. Yet, they influence us every day
I’m not sure what’s in store for me but I’ll figure it out. Thanks for coming along on the ride with me.
So true!! I have to remind myself of that. I'm writing for myself and I hope to connect with others that are the right fit
Thanks for sharing all of this, Jane. I can really relate to these moments of questioning. We are living parallel parenting lives with boys pretty much the same age; some days I think parenting teenagers is enough in itself to keep me good and tired. It's also a time in life where we tend to do a lot of reflecting on our purpose, as much as we'd like a break from all that wondering. Someone recently told me that when she comes to a really difficult part of a project or has to deal with a life challenge, her experience is that things can feel really muddy and hard right before the sun comes out and sheds some light. I liked this advice a lot, as it is pretty relevant to where I am now too. Hang in there. Trust the process.