The Misunderstood Little Girl

It's time for me to stand up for her

What does reflecting on childhood have to do with midlife and menopausal transition? Everything! Midlife is a time we look back before we move ahead to the next phase of our lives. We need to decide what to leave behind what no longer serves us. We are constantly learning and it’s hard to let go sometimes.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

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I wasn't going to post but maybe it’s middle age that has been causing me to do so much reflection lately. * *Trigger warning for some** This is a Facebook post from last year.

I see a little girl that was happy, sensitive, silly, appreciative, creative, energetic and loved to help others. I was nicknamed "chatterbox" and I'm sure I'm chatting my mom's ear off as I helped wash the dishes in the photo above. I loved to climb trees and had boundless energy. I was a tomboy who would ride bikes and make mudpies. I felt different compared to my family, or so I thought. I loved to do my own thing and was my own person.

My spirit was crushed

Then something changed. I look at the little girl on the swing and memories of thinking I was chubby came back and it breaks my heart. I felt like my spirit was crushed. I struggled in school. I could not pay attention in class, and I would be put in the hall "chair of shame" for talking in class and day dreaming. Teachers would walk by and openly shame me.

Why wasn't I ok?

A few years after these photos about I withdrew. I got picked on, was called ugly, stupid and worse, and I felt different from the world. I would later be called pretty when I became a teen and was noticed for that, but it was hard to see. The change happened so fast. I had to wonder if I was loved when I was "ugly?" Why wasn't I ok before?

Will I still be loved when I grow old?

Heading towards my mid 50s makes it worse. The world tells women we can't get old. Is it ok to grow old and be my age? Will I still be loved? I know what I would tell someone else, but why can't I tell myself?

We can be our own bullies

Words hurt and it has been 40 + years or so since many of those cruel comments, but I replay them in my head, daily! Listen to your thoughts and you may be shocked. I am abusing myself, with these negative thoughts now. I AM the one telling myself this. We can be our own worst enemy, when we replay negative thoughts, and words that don't serve a purpose and never did.

I did not fit into the narrow box

That’s right, I did not fit into the boxes. I talked when wasn’t supposed to. I was sensitive. I was creative. ADHD was unknown back then and creativity and different learning styles were not acknowledged. The structure of most schools in the 70s and 80s were not conducive to that. I did not fit into the box that was my childhood church. I did not fit into their judgmental and narrow religious views. I felt that I didn’t I didn’t fit in with my family as much as I loved them, and I was loved by them. Some of my community had narrow views as well as my school system. As an adult I can look back and understand that, and it took me over 50 years to.

We all need to see that child in ourselves and love them unconditionally. At 54 years old I am learning to understand and love that misunderstood child that was and is pretty amazing. I need to believe that! We all do!

Questions?

Have you ever experienced bullying as a child or adult?

What negative beliefs from your past do you need to let go of?

Thank you so much for your support!

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