My Life - The Need to Prove Myself

A poem and a short essay

Why do I feel this way

and worry what others say?

Is it because I feel I’m not enough?

Am I worried about sounding gruff?

Is it old scars

from memories so far?

Being a square peg in a round hole

Did you see my goal?

Does it matter that I don’t have degrees?

Does it matter to me?

I think it does

it causes my mind to buzz

I WILL TAKE UP SPACE

My life has unfolded at my own pace

I could try to prove myself my whole life

and fight this imaginary strife.

I will try again

to let it go

to believe in me

for all that I can be

You cannot make me feel small

only I have that power after all

About this poem:

Have you ever felt different from those around you? I have! In my family I was the only one that did not have a college degree. It stings and there were times I felt less than because of that. I blamed getting married very young, but maybe college was not my true path.

Growing up I enjoyed hair, make up and fashion. I decided to go to cosmetology school after high school. For over 20 years I was a hairstylist and at one point a hair replacement technician. I enjoyed my time at the salon, and meeting new clients and most of all creating.

There were times I felt that hairstylists were portrayed as dizzy blondes (at least on sitcoms). I was neither of those and neither were my coworkers, blonde or not. I worked with so many brilliant creative women and men in the industry. A few characters, yes, but so much talent.

I paved my own way again 8 years ago when I opened my pet sitting business. Pet sitting is rewarding. I’ve been blessed to have met so many wonderful pets and their humans! It’s not all puppies and rainbows though. There have been a few ignorant comments about my career as a pet care provider. One comment that boggled me was that my business was a hobby and not a “real job”. Ignorance. When comments like that are made, I close my mouth and let my actions and business speak for itself.

Even as I write this, I feel like I have to defend and prove myself. I also know there are times I project my own insecurities onto myself. I’m doing this now! Yes, I am catching myself. Progress.