Middle-Age is a Balancing Act
Learning to balance, exercise, work and life.
A few weeks ago, I pulled my back picking up a package at a client’s house. The twisting motion and the unexpected weight of it seemed to do it in.
I berated myself and wondered what I could’ve done differently. Why did I pick up that box? Why didn’t I take my time lifting? Why wasn’t I more careful? Hindsight always is 20/20.
When started to feel better I irritated my back again with exercising. I was slammed with reality once again. It’s frustrating knowing that I have limits. Denial. My body is changing and continuing to age, and yet I keep looking the other way.
I reluctantly rested and iced for a few more days. Recently, I have gone back to gentle exercises, core, free weights and exercise bands.
I wanted my body to be 20 again or 50 would be nice. It isn’t, though. Sometimes I feel it is all or nothing with myself. It’s all about balancing and knowing my limits. It can be humbling at times.
Appreciating a day that was pain free last week! I may not be able to do a headstand like Janine Agoglia or handstands like I used to; I have to know my body AND it’s limits. This inversion bench is a great substitute for me! We need to look at what we can do!
Balancing what I value
I can walk today an uneven path, but my knees may swell, and I could be sore tomorrow. (I can thank early onset osteoarthritis for that!) I can avoid shorter hikes that I love, and my knees would feel better, but it would affect me mentally. I have to decide which is more important to me. I can hike, but shorter and more even terrain. There are knee braces I can wear as well too.
It’s a challenge trying to balance life, work, and an aging body. I wish I had answers, but I don’t.
I’ve become to realize it’s more about what I can do than what I can’t. Maybe less is more? Maybe it’s assessing my priorities and what I have value in.
Photo by me. There is so much beauty in all seasons!
That burnout cycle again!
A week ago, I was in pain once again and exhausted. This time it wasn’t from exercising, it was from mental, emotional and physical exhaustion.
Our bodies will let us know when we are depleting it. It can start with whispers here and there until it screams at you to notice. I felt like it was past the screaming part this week. It happened again. The burnout cycle. The guilt after resting and then it started all over again.
It had been 26 days since I had a full day off. As small business owner I feel like my day never ends sometimes. Half days do NOT count as a day off as much as I try to convince myself.
Why can we push ourselves to burnout?
I have to discover the underlying cause of why I feel the need to do this. Part of it is self-esteem, people pleasing and the voice that tells me I'm not enough. Another part of it is feeling like I have to work twice as hard as the next person. Then there is shame that I got stuck in that cycle again.
We don’t need to be productive to be valuable. I don’t need to be. Until then, I will continue to remind myself of that.
You are enough. You are enough sitting in a chair. You are enough when you are tired. You are enough! I am enough.
Two ways of viewing life as we age:
1. What we no longer can do.
2. What we still can do.
Too much attention to 1. is depressing. Focusing more on 2. is what gets us out of bed each day.
We are so hard on ourselves, aren't we, Jane? It is actually ridiculous that we imagine we should be able to move and perform like we did when we were 20. Here comes a bit of a rant:
We are pummeled by these messages and images from media, though. From society.... There are actually so many more things we are better at now than when we were 20. I wonder why we don't value those skills and aptitudes as much? Well, I think I know why, actually! I think a large part is this off the scale value in youth that society has. I hope that is changing. I think that if enough of us are brave enough to be honest about the limitations AND the gifts of aging (like experience, wisdom, crystalized intelligence, perspective, patience, resilience, leadership, mentorship...), like you are here, maybe more people will be able to rest in the fact that it's not the busy, the pace, the youthful skin, the juggling that matters, in the end.
In the end (and in the process!) it's the quality of the relationships we have, the fact we can love and be loved, the ability to consider and be kind, and the perspective and wisdom to appreciate these fleeting days in this one life we have! And we older people can do these things much better now than we could in our 20's! Yay, us!