Middle school girls are the meanest creatures on the planet. I see this when I taught middle school.
When I was in middle/high school. My best friend (only friend) was Heather. We memorized every line of the movie Heathers and used quotes as in jokes between us to make fun of the “in crowd”
The funniest part was, she was valedictorian. Went to Harvard and was put in a dorm suite with four other girls. Three of them named Heather! She changed her name to Veronica. IYKYK. She’s been Veronica ever since.
Middle school girls are and it gets younger. Heather was a popular name when I was in school lol. 2 of my bestie were named Heather in high school (but not like the Heathers lol!) Smart move for your friend changing her name to Veronica. Too funny. Veronica's and Wednesdays rock!
My fiancé was dentist in the Navy, in Pearl Harbor, a group of 40 dentists. In those days there was a ‘Hail and Farewell “ party every weekend. I was left standing on the side, the ‘wives’ circled like a wagon train camp with their backs to me. I was never accepted as a fiancée , not good enough for the real wives of the dental corps. Ha ha, could be a TV show. Luckily we were transferred to a different hospital 1 year after the wedding and I was welcomed as a wife.
Sixth grade, man. No bueno. Three girls got the whole class to ostracize me because I put one of them 6th on the kickball team (I put myself last). She also claimed that I called her a "sucker," which wasn't true. It was the most miserable 2 weeks of my life. One day they decided, out of the blue, that I was their best friend again. While I was happy not to be bullied in the hallways anymore, I had a really hard time trusting others after that.
It wasn't until years later, when I learned that I was worth loving, that I could open up and trust again. Little Jane is a model for us all!
Jane, I loved this story. I'm impressed by little Jane, too! The desire for authentic connection was already planted in you. Who cares about being the "in-girls" when you have the beauty of genuine connection?
We moved around a lot when I was school age, so my experience ranged from being the most popular kid in school, to the leader of a gang in a new school to gain protection from others (it was a defensive gang, and we paid members in TicTacs), to being the new kid picked on by the bullies, to being a late teen fully embracing his introversion and checking out of the social scene entirely and hanging out with the druggies (though I never used drugs) since they also checked out and got my vibe.
That had to be tough moving around. I used to wish I could move to be the new kid. They always seemed to be instantly popular. In High School I hung out with group like that. I thought they were "cool" rebels. Not a druggy here. They are called "burnouts" now according to my teen. He's so different than I was in High School.
Burnouts also works. They were the long-haired, relaxed type who listen to alt music, read, talk about interesting things. They became my tribe. Unlike them, however, I got great grades. I was never a burnout, I just found their conversation more interesting than the jocks or the cheerleaders.
In high school, I was the nerd, overachieving and geeky. I wanted so much to hang with the cheerleaders who lived in nice subdivisions and bought their clothes at the trendy store in town. My parents were divorced and my mom and I lived in a tiny apartment on the "other" side of town. Today, I see these girls and realize I turned out just fine and their lives, maybe not so much. It's hard when you're a teenager and hurtful... but it all works out in the end, doesnt it?!
It all works out in the end. I wanted to be the smart kid like you but, I sucked at school and by high school I gave up and hangout with the "wrong crowd" I still had a good head on my shoulder a lot was an act. It all does work out in the end. I think the most interesting people were the people not in the "incrowd" they were much more real
Thank you for sharing your experience. I moved around too much to really pay attention to the clicks. Mostly kept to myself to avoid the name calling as much as possible. Everyone in my eyes were superior to me when I was kid.
I stayed in the same school. It was, suburban and conservative and very white. Still is. Everyone knew everyone if a few people rejected you others would follow. It got better as I moved through school, especially high school where there were more groups to fit into
Ooooh this one is relatable! When I was in Year 7 (so about 11 years old) I observed a few of the popular girls and their aesthetic (didn’t have the word aesthetic then, but sort of had the concept) and I tried to emulate their appearance for a bit. Straightening my hair, rolling up my skirt and wearing as much makeup as I could get away with without getting in trouble. They were still either oblivious to my existence or quite rude and it suddenly dawned on me that I could have some miraculous surgery to look exactly like them and they still wouldn’t accept me as one of their own. A couple of years later, I cut my hair short and grabbed some eyeliner and never looked back. No idea where they ended up and frankly, I don’t care to know. Little Jane sounds rad and I would have been proud to call her a mate. 💚
That's awful! They can be so fickle. I had almost the same thing happened but with t-ball. I was chosen to pick the teams because of my gym scores. Another girl thought it should be her. She turned the class against me and told no one to sit with me at lunch. It was a miserable few weeks. Another time in 4th grade this girl says we hate you because you like a guy we like. I didn't know him. Then one day it was over. I'm glad I had a son lol. Less drama with his friends. It's funny how those things stick with you
Thank you! Oh yes the make up and aquanet (in my day). Trying to fit in. It seems like so many of us have a story like that. It sounds like you embraced who you were and they were always the coolest kids in my book. I'm appreciating and understanding Little Jane more, it took decades but it's happening
I enjoyed reading that. I think it’s a rite of passage for girls, to find out the value of real friendships and the vacuous nature of popularity.
Thanks so much. I appreciate your comment and restack
This is so true.
Middle school girls are the meanest creatures on the planet. I see this when I taught middle school.
When I was in middle/high school. My best friend (only friend) was Heather. We memorized every line of the movie Heathers and used quotes as in jokes between us to make fun of the “in crowd”
The funniest part was, she was valedictorian. Went to Harvard and was put in a dorm suite with four other girls. Three of them named Heather! She changed her name to Veronica. IYKYK. She’s been Veronica ever since.
Middle school girls are and it gets younger. Heather was a popular name when I was in school lol. 2 of my bestie were named Heather in high school (but not like the Heathers lol!) Smart move for your friend changing her name to Veronica. Too funny. Veronica's and Wednesdays rock!
My fiancé was dentist in the Navy, in Pearl Harbor, a group of 40 dentists. In those days there was a ‘Hail and Farewell “ party every weekend. I was left standing on the side, the ‘wives’ circled like a wagon train camp with their backs to me. I was never accepted as a fiancée , not good enough for the real wives of the dental corps. Ha ha, could be a TV show. Luckily we were transferred to a different hospital 1 year after the wedding and I was welcomed as a wife.
Lotta good that did me, now divorced.
Hey you have a treatment for Real Wives of the Dental Corps 😉 Cliques exist as an adult too. Not a fun feeling. Been there too
Middle school was run by the meanest girl who laughed at people with disabilities. You hadda laugh too in order to be in her clique. Nope.
That's so awful! I hate to think of Karma
You did rock little Jane!
Thanks so much!
Sixth grade, man. No bueno. Three girls got the whole class to ostracize me because I put one of them 6th on the kickball team (I put myself last). She also claimed that I called her a "sucker," which wasn't true. It was the most miserable 2 weeks of my life. One day they decided, out of the blue, that I was their best friend again. While I was happy not to be bullied in the hallways anymore, I had a really hard time trusting others after that.
It wasn't until years later, when I learned that I was worth loving, that I could open up and trust again. Little Jane is a model for us all!
I was a role model and I didn't know it. I was stronger than I knew
This picture looks like regular girls :D
They were. AI regular girls 😉 A good way to prove a point
Jane, you are building the excitement to read this post.
Even more while being this detached and chilled out about it :D
Jane, I loved this story. I'm impressed by little Jane, too! The desire for authentic connection was already planted in you. Who cares about being the "in-girls" when you have the beauty of genuine connection?
Thanks so much!
Thanks so much for the restack!!
You’re welcome. I meant to include a note with a positive statement about the piece, but my finger pushed the wrong button!
I do that all of the time!! Thanks so much reading and restack
Thanks Sandra! It was!
We moved around a lot when I was school age, so my experience ranged from being the most popular kid in school, to the leader of a gang in a new school to gain protection from others (it was a defensive gang, and we paid members in TicTacs), to being the new kid picked on by the bullies, to being a late teen fully embracing his introversion and checking out of the social scene entirely and hanging out with the druggies (though I never used drugs) since they also checked out and got my vibe.
That had to be tough moving around. I used to wish I could move to be the new kid. They always seemed to be instantly popular. In High School I hung out with group like that. I thought they were "cool" rebels. Not a druggy here. They are called "burnouts" now according to my teen. He's so different than I was in High School.
Burnouts also works. They were the long-haired, relaxed type who listen to alt music, read, talk about interesting things. They became my tribe. Unlike them, however, I got great grades. I was never a burnout, I just found their conversation more interesting than the jocks or the cheerleaders.
My kind of people
In high school, I was the nerd, overachieving and geeky. I wanted so much to hang with the cheerleaders who lived in nice subdivisions and bought their clothes at the trendy store in town. My parents were divorced and my mom and I lived in a tiny apartment on the "other" side of town. Today, I see these girls and realize I turned out just fine and their lives, maybe not so much. It's hard when you're a teenager and hurtful... but it all works out in the end, doesnt it?!
It all works out in the end. I wanted to be the smart kid like you but, I sucked at school and by high school I gave up and hangout with the "wrong crowd" I still had a good head on my shoulder a lot was an act. It all does work out in the end. I think the most interesting people were the people not in the "incrowd" they were much more real
Thank you for sharing your experience. I moved around too much to really pay attention to the clicks. Mostly kept to myself to avoid the name calling as much as possible. Everyone in my eyes were superior to me when I was kid.
I stayed in the same school. It was, suburban and conservative and very white. Still is. Everyone knew everyone if a few people rejected you others would follow. It got better as I moved through school, especially high school where there were more groups to fit into
Ooooh this one is relatable! When I was in Year 7 (so about 11 years old) I observed a few of the popular girls and their aesthetic (didn’t have the word aesthetic then, but sort of had the concept) and I tried to emulate their appearance for a bit. Straightening my hair, rolling up my skirt and wearing as much makeup as I could get away with without getting in trouble. They were still either oblivious to my existence or quite rude and it suddenly dawned on me that I could have some miraculous surgery to look exactly like them and they still wouldn’t accept me as one of their own. A couple of years later, I cut my hair short and grabbed some eyeliner and never looked back. No idea where they ended up and frankly, I don’t care to know. Little Jane sounds rad and I would have been proud to call her a mate. 💚
That's awful! They can be so fickle. I had almost the same thing happened but with t-ball. I was chosen to pick the teams because of my gym scores. Another girl thought it should be her. She turned the class against me and told no one to sit with me at lunch. It was a miserable few weeks. Another time in 4th grade this girl says we hate you because you like a guy we like. I didn't know him. Then one day it was over. I'm glad I had a son lol. Less drama with his friends. It's funny how those things stick with you
Thank you! Oh yes the make up and aquanet (in my day). Trying to fit in. It seems like so many of us have a story like that. It sounds like you embraced who you were and they were always the coolest kids in my book. I'm appreciating and understanding Little Jane more, it took decades but it's happening
It's so painfully true, but necessary. It can happen when you are an adult too