Does Grieving Ever End?

27 years later and no.

Dad, I don’t know how to start this as I sit on this rainy, Wednesday morning. It’s been 27 years ago today since you left this earth, and each year I feel it differently.

I think of the passage of time and where I am right here and now. This moments in time. Our son is getting ready to leave for school. He’s an amazing kid (young man), so smart, kind and he reminds me of you in some ways. How I wish you could’ve met him.

I’m catching up to you, Dad. The older I get the younger I realize you were when you left this earth. It boggles me to think you could still be alive 27 years later. I think of that when Mike and I are out having breakfast at a diner and see an elderly couple. There is a grief knowing that you and mom never got to grow old together.

I see so many people I know that have aging parents and the decisions they have to make. We will never have to worry about that. Those were decisions we had to make so long ago. Way too young. There is also a relief that I don’t have to worry about you or mom anymore. There is also grief.

I feel grief when I see grandparents with their grandchildren. Grief when there was grandparents’ day at school. Those times, when I was at an amusement park with our son and I felt the pang as I watched other children with their grandparents.

There were no birthday parties or family vacations with your grandchildren. There was no watching you play baseball with your grandchildren, like you used to do with us. You never got to meet them Dad, and they are growing up so fast.

Our son is graduating high school this year, and you and mom won’t be there. One of many of the times, that I have gotten used to.

What would you think of me now Dad? Do you know I’m a mom; a business owner and I have finally published a few books? Would you be proud of me, Dad? I like to think you would be.

The rain continues to fall on this Wednesday morning as time ticks by. I have to wonder if the ache of missing someone ever really goes away.

I miss you, Dad. That’s all. I wish so much that we could sit and have coffee together right now on this porch. For now, I will watch the rain fall and know you are never far from us.

It’s been 27 years, it feels like a lifetime yet, it feels like yesterday.