It never ends -poetry
Struggle in my soul
longing to feel whole
Heart open
salt in
this is always how
it begins
I set my self-up to fail
because my mind spins tales
I didn’t learn before
so why do I keep score?
pain from long ago
that it took me so long to know
change can only come from me
why can’t I see?
I want another hit
so, I can forget about it
the cycle continues
when I search to keep sane
knowing well it will only end in pain
As a human who has ran the gambit to and back from a gripping addiction, all before the age of 24, this is a relatable poem. There was no pain or trauma that led me down the bad path. It's just the culture where I grew up, but addiction creates the pain that it's supposed to mask, and blinds you from the fact that the cause of your pain is the vice to which you so cling.
I don't need to tell my life story here, but I have to go to bed every night knowing it's strictly luck (in addition to some personal craftiness, but mostly luck) that kept me from spiraling the drain in the way many of my friends and both my siblings did. My guilt over that will never go away. My fear will never go away either.
I don't have any poignant way to finish this comment, but thanks to you for tackling this very difficult topic.
For so long I felt like this. Then I met hubby. Been together 27 yrs. Hope is always there.