100% I feel bad for the younger generations. Maybe they are more vocal than mine was. Then there is online harassment too, genders. I think what was the most difficult for me were they were people I went to or sent to for help. The creeps around us aren't in dark alleys, they are hiding in plain sight. They can be teachers, bosses, priests, even therapists...
Oh and I had a creep slide his hand across my lower back during my son's kindergarten orientation!! I was so shocked and the teacher was talking that I didn't say anything .It turned out he ran a local business and he harassed countless women. I called him out eventually many others did as well. That business was shut down but I'm sure he's being creepy else where.
That's awful! I'm so sorry. I was grabbed in high school by this guy repeatedly and he would write me these disgusting notes. I found the courage with the help of my sister to go to the principal. If it were now that would be a criminal act. He left me alone after that
I am still wondering, if I have a bone to pick with the guy who lead the exchange program at a university many years ago. You imported young foreign students who didn't know any better - cowards and predators!
Thank you for writing this. I knew that I had to write about my story when I found out that a friend was trapped for 38 years - thinking she was the only one...just like I did.
That's what they count on. That's what my Ex counted on. He was wrong. Oops! I told! I broke the cycle. I started the conversation in that family. They shunned me because of it.
I know it was their loss. Too bad for them. I have no use for fair-weather friends.
Tell me about it - "you should be ashamed of yourself" was what they said when I reached out for support - "both of you will be going to hell" - and then they sided with him while I raised the kids.
Bastards!
And then a supposed therapist assured me: "At least you got children out of the deal!" Say what?
I love my kids! But having kids with him trapped me.
It's part of the system. Men invest 15 seconds - that keeps her busy for 20+years while they apply "sunk cost". But I am not bitter :-)
Seriously, I am only a little bitter. In the end, I had the big win. Yes, I invested the time, but I raised the kids MY WAY.
And they're all mine - all their own - and all nothing but trouble - and the family knows it.
Thanks, Kathleen. It took many years and still… I'm sorry you went through this. I don't think there is a woman alive that hadn't dealt with this. So many will never talk about it. All genders are affected by this sadly
Great piece....we ALL know a wolf. I had a couple of my agency clients hit on me or get handsy. Most of them were afraid of me though! 🤣🤣 I managed to put a stop to it without losing the business but...come on, man. Knock it off. 🙄
I'm glad you stood up to them , but it's still horrible. You shouldn't have to!! That's the point. You were there to work and you didn't need to fight that. I hate that as women we have to be on "alert." Most men have that privilege and will never truly understand.
Jane, I am 71 and have certainly been hit on by men in my life, plenty of times. It gets tiresome, it does. Men and women are actually different, amazing fact! I know men are basically designed to hunt and track and women are designed to ferry and nurture and teach. No, I am not saying there are not lines that are crossed and not every man or every woman is the primordial same in tendencies. I would like to treat all men and women with simple respect. It is fine for men to hunt but also fine for women to politely and firmly say NO and if they say NO, then men should stand back and move on. Our culture is falling apart, with the constant spin and pressure on all of us to be more and think more and act more. No lines of holiness or Godly truth. It is truly exhausting. I am actually grateful to be solitary at this point of my life. To everyone, pick your life partner carefully, take your time, get to truly know someone in their soul and spirit. Do not be pressured or in a hurry! Please take good care of yourself, Jane and thank you for sharing this intense writing with us all. WEW
I think the most difficult part is when you go to someone you trust, a teacher or a pastor and they cross the line. If you are a minor- no words. A special place in hell for people like that.
Jane, bless you! It is NEVER OK for an adult to do this to a young person, whether a toddler, elementary school kid or young adult. One should not EVER be hit upon. That is pure evil. That is also why we have this epidemic of child trafficking. It truly breaks my heart. We have this epidemic also of porn and sexual trauma that seems a endless pit of desire, not good. What you can do is what you have already done here, write about the pain and suffering you went through and share your hurt with the Substack family. While there are all kinds on Substack, I have found this place on Notes to be generally an honorable place where you can pour out your heart. I have no perfect answers for you except to suggest two things: do as you are already doing, by sharing what you went through. This acts as a conduit for other young women to be heard and respected. The second thing to consider, if you are not already doing so, just sit down in your spirit and pour out your heart to God, just as if you are sitting on the couch next to Him. Share your rage, your hurt, your sorrow, your betrayal, all of it. I have been through awful times in my 71 years and found in the long run, no person, no drug, no alcohol, no job, no pile of money, no sex or relationship would calm and begin to heal the storm. Only the unconditional love of the One Who created you and loves you, will lead to healing step by step. This is just something to think about. Your life experience, just as my own in the disaster of the sexual revolution of my youth, is an important place to begin healing for self and others. You are a strong woman and I say a quiet prayer for you tonight, for a fellowship to manifest for you with God and His healing Son. If you have a Bible, look at Isaiah 61:1, where it speaks that the coming Messiah will "bind up the brokenhearted." That is me, that is you and that is all the earth! Wendy (W.E.W.)
100% I feel bad for the younger generations. Maybe they are more vocal than mine was. Then there is online harassment too, genders. I think what was the most difficult for me were they were people I went to or sent to for help. The creeps around us aren't in dark alleys, they are hiding in plain sight. They can be teachers, bosses, priests, even therapists...
Yes, I spent no times in dark alleys. The creeps grabbed me where I was - in school, dance class, work and university!
Oh and I had a creep slide his hand across my lower back during my son's kindergarten orientation!! I was so shocked and the teacher was talking that I didn't say anything .It turned out he ran a local business and he harassed countless women. I called him out eventually many others did as well. That business was shut down but I'm sure he's being creepy else where.
I'm glad you called him out. Politeness has been used to silence women for a long time. The older I get the more impolite I become.
That's awful! I'm so sorry. I was grabbed in high school by this guy repeatedly and he would write me these disgusting notes. I found the courage with the help of my sister to go to the principal. If it were now that would be a criminal act. He left me alone after that
I am still wondering, if I have a bone to pick with the guy who lead the exchange program at a university many years ago. You imported young foreign students who didn't know any better - cowards and predators!
I am glad you found support when you reached out.
The sick comments from much older men when we were young girls. I hate those men.
Agree
Louder for the people in the back!! I'm so glad you posted this!
Almost didn't. Shame. Embarrassment. Most of this happened so long ago
This really does hit hard. It truly makes my blood boil. A brilliant write. These people must be called out.
Thanks. It's a post I keep sharing when I feel triggered. My voice will not be silent. I want to let others know they are not alone.
No, we won't speak up, because it will be met with derision. Great post, Jane!
Yes, and it’s so sad. This is an older post of mine, but I thought it was appropriate for now especially.
Thanks so much for your support, Rea
Thank you for writing this. I knew that I had to write about my story when I found out that a friend was trapped for 38 years - thinking she was the only one...just like I did.
There are so many that never speak up. Kudos for you for sharing your story.
That's what they count on. That's what my Ex counted on. He was wrong. Oops! I told! I broke the cycle. I started the conversation in that family. They shunned me because of it.
I know it was their loss. Too bad for them. I have no use for fair-weather friends.
It’s so sad and the victim can get shamed for speaking up - another trauma on top of a trauma.
I’m so sorry you went through that but happy you broke the cycle. You are a strong woman.
Tell me about it - "you should be ashamed of yourself" was what they said when I reached out for support - "both of you will be going to hell" - and then they sided with him while I raised the kids.
Bastards!
And then a supposed therapist assured me: "At least you got children out of the deal!" Say what?
I love my kids! But having kids with him trapped me.
It's part of the system. Men invest 15 seconds - that keeps her busy for 20+years while they apply "sunk cost". But I am not bitter :-)
Seriously, I am only a little bitter. In the end, I had the big win. Yes, I invested the time, but I raised the kids MY WAY.
And they're all mine - all their own - and all nothing but trouble - and the family knows it.
Thank you for reminding me.
That's awful, Elise! I'm so sorry you had to go through with all of that.
I hear you, Jane, you’re a brave young woman. Sadly, I too had way too much of this nonsense in the past.
Thanks, Kathleen. It took many years and still… I'm sorry you went through this. I don't think there is a woman alive that hadn't dealt with this. So many will never talk about it. All genders are affected by this sadly
Too many times.
I'm sorry Angela
thanks, powerful post!
Thanks so much!
Great piece....we ALL know a wolf. I had a couple of my agency clients hit on me or get handsy. Most of them were afraid of me though! 🤣🤣 I managed to put a stop to it without losing the business but...come on, man. Knock it off. 🙄
I'm glad you stood up to them , but it's still horrible. You shouldn't have to!! That's the point. You were there to work and you didn't need to fight that. I hate that as women we have to be on "alert." Most men have that privilege and will never truly understand.
Jane, I am 71 and have certainly been hit on by men in my life, plenty of times. It gets tiresome, it does. Men and women are actually different, amazing fact! I know men are basically designed to hunt and track and women are designed to ferry and nurture and teach. No, I am not saying there are not lines that are crossed and not every man or every woman is the primordial same in tendencies. I would like to treat all men and women with simple respect. It is fine for men to hunt but also fine for women to politely and firmly say NO and if they say NO, then men should stand back and move on. Our culture is falling apart, with the constant spin and pressure on all of us to be more and think more and act more. No lines of holiness or Godly truth. It is truly exhausting. I am actually grateful to be solitary at this point of my life. To everyone, pick your life partner carefully, take your time, get to truly know someone in their soul and spirit. Do not be pressured or in a hurry! Please take good care of yourself, Jane and thank you for sharing this intense writing with us all. WEW
I think the most difficult part is when you go to someone you trust, a teacher or a pastor and they cross the line. If you are a minor- no words. A special place in hell for people like that.
Jane, bless you! It is NEVER OK for an adult to do this to a young person, whether a toddler, elementary school kid or young adult. One should not EVER be hit upon. That is pure evil. That is also why we have this epidemic of child trafficking. It truly breaks my heart. We have this epidemic also of porn and sexual trauma that seems a endless pit of desire, not good. What you can do is what you have already done here, write about the pain and suffering you went through and share your hurt with the Substack family. While there are all kinds on Substack, I have found this place on Notes to be generally an honorable place where you can pour out your heart. I have no perfect answers for you except to suggest two things: do as you are already doing, by sharing what you went through. This acts as a conduit for other young women to be heard and respected. The second thing to consider, if you are not already doing so, just sit down in your spirit and pour out your heart to God, just as if you are sitting on the couch next to Him. Share your rage, your hurt, your sorrow, your betrayal, all of it. I have been through awful times in my 71 years and found in the long run, no person, no drug, no alcohol, no job, no pile of money, no sex or relationship would calm and begin to heal the storm. Only the unconditional love of the One Who created you and loves you, will lead to healing step by step. This is just something to think about. Your life experience, just as my own in the disaster of the sexual revolution of my youth, is an important place to begin healing for self and others. You are a strong woman and I say a quiet prayer for you tonight, for a fellowship to manifest for you with God and His healing Son. If you have a Bible, look at Isaiah 61:1, where it speaks that the coming Messiah will "bind up the brokenhearted." That is me, that is you and that is all the earth! Wendy (W.E.W.)
Thanks so much
Well said!
Thank you!
Yes!
Way too many out there.
Disgusting, but made far worse by the positions of authority they had. Tragic.
Yes,and it happens more than more than we know
Jane, A powerful piece! #metoo
Thank you, Sandra
I think the younger generation isn’t taking it like we felt like we had to. I’m so glad you’d shared this, you’re not alone.
Thanks Lori. I don't think they do. They put up with online harassment though. We put up with it. All of us. It makes me sick
Jane; Speaking your mind. It's the best thing to do. Thanks for sharing !