Are body image issues in woman caused by nature, nurture, or social media?
Navigating menopausal body changes and my own personal struggles with this
Who likes a complement? I do! Does that mean I'm shallow because I care what others think about my external appearance? Shouldn’t I know that inner beauty is enough?
I thought back to a year ago when I was 54 and officially in menopause. My body was changing so fast but, in some ways, I felt more attractive than I did at 25. Unfortunately, external factors (and my internal self-dialogue) told me different, and I'd question myself. Was it OK to still feel attractive with wrinkles and graying hair?
Advertisers are targeting our insecurities…
It’s a challenge to filter out what advertisers are telling us. We are told constantly to fight the signs of aging. We are told we need to lose weight and to “Try this diet to lose weight fast” or “You don’t want to look old, so use this skin cream.” Ads like these are targeted against women. The intent is to cause us to feel shame for what is the natural aging process. This aging process is a gift that so many of us will never get to experience. Advertisers are targeting our insecurities to make money. I hate to admit it, but I buy into that crap sometimes.
I did an experiment and watched a few reels on social media. One was titled something like “9 Signs that Show you are Aging.” They had actresses from ages 40 – 60 and then their younger selves. The “older” actresses were beautiful and looked 10 years younger as it was! So many of them were surgically enhanced, and yet they were shamed for their “flaws”. I continued to read the article that pointed at ways that give away your age. Things like dark circles, forehead flatness and change in belly button. This experience was taking me down a very depressing rabbit hole. I'm sure this was sponsored by advertisers to get women to purchase products with the promise of unattainable youth. Even if the potions magically made you look younger, it still would not emulate the real beauty that is inside of all of us and that radiates out. It would not fix the insecurities we have inside.
I’ve heard of 20-year-olds worrying about signs of aging and talking about Botox. They see the world through a filter and it’s almost impossible to avoid.
Influenced by a leg depilatory commercial at age 10!!
I think back to my own experiences with this in childhood. When I was growing up, it was long before the internet, but we had TV, movies and fashion magazines. I think back to my childhood commercials of the 70s and 80s. One comes to mind. “Who wears short shorts…” If you were born before 1980 then I’m sure you remember this jingle. It was a hair remover for your legs (that smelled horrible!). The short-shorts girls ran up the bleachers with their impossibly long, slender legs. I wanted to be “sexy” like them at 10 years old! Yikes! That is disturbing when I think of that! Maybe it was because it looked, they were having fun and they had friends? I don’t know. I was a tomboy climbing trees and yet I was influenced by this.
My own struggles with body image
I have struggled with body image and self-esteem issues long before the internet. When I was young, I felt that way sadly. That made me wonder, at what age does this start?
My 7-year-old tomboyish self on left
My first memory of my appearance was when I was 3 years old. My sister was doing my hair and “making me beautiful” with a toy makeup kit. I was getting ready to visit my grandparents. That day when I visited family I was fussed over and told how pretty I looked. I was complemented on my curly brown hair, dimples and my beautiful dress. I wasn't sure what pretty was, but I felt special!
Move ahead a few years and I developed into a lanky, skinny child with a boyish haircut. I was bullied and teased due to my, second-hand clothes, plain appearance and shyness. For several years I endure the pain of bullying until my awkwardness faded as I entered my mid-teens. I was suddenly noticed and complemented on my appearance, and it felt special. Most of all, I was no longer teased about how I looked. I did get back-handed comments about being too thin, but still, society said thin was good. With my newly found attention, there was also a curse. It did not feel special at times, especially when men would look at me and made unwanted comments. As girls we were told by adults not to wear shorts too short or our jeans too tight. I felt that was the reason that I was getting inappropriate comments from men. It was not. We should be able to wear what we want, period!
My senior prom. I was thin but, I wanted curves!! A true hourglass figure is unattainable for most body types, including mine.
At the same time, it helped my self-esteem being noticed. I knew I wasn't the smartest student, but the attention for my appearance was better than nothing. It’s painful to think of the extremes and judgments I faced while I was so young, I was just a child. It’s sad to know that I am not alone with my experiences.
How can we stop this pattern?
Why does self-esteem issues affect so many young girls and women of all ages in the past and now? How can we stop this pattern? It starts with the wonderful women we all are. It starts with how we speak to each other and the children in our lives. It starts with how little girls see how the men in their lives treat other women. Our boys are watching too! We need to show our girls that they are loved, they are strong, and they have their own strengths. Think about it. How often do you comment on a little boy’s appearance to them? Hardly. The comments are mostly about the activities our son’s are doing. For example, we will say to a boy, “Wow, that was a great soccer game” or “I heard you are playing the piano,” “Can I see your Lego collection?”
How do we interact with our girls? What comments do we say to them? We comment often on their appearances. “You are so pretty.” “I love your outfit”. That is wonderful, but please remember to ask about what THEY like to do. “What are your hobbies?” “What is your favorite subject in school,” Have you worked on any new paintings?” Do we do that? Not as often as we say we should. I’m guilty of this myself.
So how do we help the child inside of us that worries they will not be valued for who they are? I wish the answer was easier, but we need to embrace what makes us each unique. Many times, it is not the image that we see in the mirror, but how we feel inside of our selves. We need to give the little girl in us permission to be who she really is. We need to ask that child what she needs from us at that moment and what we can do to help her.
We have to remind ourselves that girls are watching us develop into mature, empowered women. They are listing when we talk negatively about ourselves and judge others. We need to do better at accepting ourselves and it does not happen overnight. We can do this. It starts with us!
Oh my goodness 10-06 and Seabreeze. I used to get acne on my back and shoulder in my early teens, not sure why. I tried everything. Hormones! I always gained weight in my belly. The visceral fat gets harder to loseFor me cutting sugar helps so much. I think as long as you are healthy and are strong. That's what it's about really. I've been hearing lately on how important strength training is for women. It's something I swear by. It's more important than aerobic, but we need both
I’m 44, turning 45 this year. I had gawd-awful acne as a teen that lasted into my 20s and swore by OXY face wash, pads and 10-0-6 astringent from Bonne Bell during those years. Face cleared up right after I got my BA, thank goodness (and also thank goodness I went to grad school since it gave my face a couple more years to recover before those job interviews. Don’t want zits to make me seem younger, right?). As a high schooler and undergrad, I hated my stomach. Keep in mind that I’m rather short - 5’2” on a good day and have never weighed more than 105 lb! But I didn’t (and never did) have curves. I wanted Tonon look like a box. Or have a bulge. I’m still worried about not being toned enough and a belly, but at my age now, it’s about that dreaded visceral fat that you CAN’T see, the kind where you can be skinny, but still not healthy. I did naturally lose about 5 lb after I stopped adding sugar to coffee and started walking daily. Never ate a lot of ultra processed foods and don’t even have the urge to consume them.