Waiting for the perfect circumstances
Letting go of perfectionism. How I got started on Substack
This was my very first article here on Substack. I think it received one like and that was from myself! It was written in March 2024. Since then, I’m learning to let go of perfectionism in writing and in life.
Paralyzed by perfectionism
Do you wait for the perfect moment to get something done? I do! I had this experience when I tried to start my blog several months ago (and several times since). Perfectionism may seem to help us at first, but it can eventually paralyze us.
As a woman transitioning into menopause, whom has ADHD as well as perfectionistic tendencies, life can seem overwhelming at times. When we see everything at once, we end up spinning our wheels and get nowhere. Sometimes perfectionism can lead to procrastination, and we use that as a coping mechanism.
Where was that idyllic morning?
It was a cold, rainy Saturday morning, not the idyllic morning to work on my blogs outside like I planned. I’d have to write in the living room with the dogs by my side instead.
First, I would need to let them out, dry their muddy paws and feed them. I reminded myself that it was only 6 am and there would be plenty of time to write after I tended to them. I poured myself a cup of coffee and felt accomplished as I watched my dogs eat their breakfast.
Searching for coffee in that rabbit hole...
A half hour later my coffee was cold. I now had two cups, one on the counter and the one I left in the microwave, or was that actually last night’s tea? I poured myself yet another cup of coffee and sat down with my laptop determined to write. My phone buzzed and I checked a message from last night, plus a new one from this morning. Facebook notifications caught my eye, and then I noticed the reels. Ugh! I fell into the rabbit hole again!
**Treat me to a coffee and support my writing**
OK, “focus”, I told myself. I was going to work on the content to post on my business page. I needed to choose a photo for that but… which of the 2,461 photos should I use? Before I knew it, an hour and a half went by and not one word written, unless I count the thumbs up on Facebook and the GIF I sent a friend on messenger. I stopped short. I needed to reel myself back in. It was after 8 am and I didn’t want to write at all. It was almost time to get ready for work and eat breakfast. I looked around. Did I make oatmeal? Yep, I did, but it now looked like a hockey puck sitting cold in a bowl next to my coffee.
I thought about my writing as I sliced through my cold oatmeal.
There was so much content I had written down on paper, so many ideas that were swimming in my head and so many plans that had never been completed. When I actually do write, my ideas flow. I need to share my writing with others and myself. The problem was my procrastination and perfectionism were sabotaging my process once again.We can’t move ahead if we wait for “perfect” circumstances.
I was waiting for the perfect circumstances to move ahead and write. Distractions and perfectionism were getting in my way once again. A quote my mother had on her mirror comes to mind.
“If you wait for the perfect circumstances things will never get done.”I’m not sure who wrote that quote, but those words have impacted my life.
Mindless phone scrolling and languishing - I was stuck
The last few years I had been languishing and feeling stuck. The free time I had, I spent scrolling mindlessly on my phone while time evaporated. I could fake it and make it look like was moving ahead, but the truth was I had been trying to do the status quo. I wondered if that was the quiet quitting I heard so much about. In the last year, I had been grieving the past, people and pets who are no longer here. I grieved life before 2020. I grieved the way my business had changed. I grieved my health. I also grieved that younger version of myself.
No one tells you when to run…
Life has changed forever in certain ways for me, and also in our world. Both will never be the same. It’s hard to move forward sometimes when you get stuck in old ways. It’s OK to grieve the way things were, but there is a time when you need to move ahead because that’s how change happens. I think that comes with acceptance of yourself and your reality. You can’t go back, ever, but you can learn from the past. “No one tells you when to run.” As a song by Pink Floyd says. You are the only one who can tell yourself it’s time to run, walk or write. It won’t be perfect, but it will be your’s! It may be the first step you need to move ahead.
Questions:
Have you ever been paralyzed by perfectionism?
Ooh yes... still am sometimes. I rewrite until I'm so confused and don't know whether a detail was in a prior version or in this version and if it is, should it be, and what tense should I be writing in, and this is crap because I suck and I can only do it this way so shouldn't even bother trying to do it another way but it won't work the other way so I'm going to have to try again so I rewrite again. I tell you! I am incapable of writing a crappy first draft. I have to get it right before I can keep going.
I think my issue is more about my fear of rejection or lack of self- worth? It paralyzes me, all the same. The distractions and procrastination are very similar. You nailed it here, Jane. It makes it a little less painful to know so many others struggle to publish pieces.