The Ugly Duckling

finding and accepting our true selves in a superficial world

The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen is a popular children’s story that was actually very painful and can be true in our world today. **This story was posted April 2024 and has been updated*

The Ugly Duckling was a swan born into a family of ducks. He felt different from those around him including his own family. One day, after months of ridicule and rejection (which was probably years in swan time), he meets up with a group of swans. He is made aware that he has become a beautiful swan, and he finally feels accepted. Or does he? The story does not end there and there is no happily ever after.

What really happened?

When the Ugly Duckling saw his reflection as a beautiful swan, he didn’t recognize himself. He was told how handsome and graceful he was, but did he believe it? According to the story, I don’t think he did. He struggled to see who he had become. The swan had years of rejection to process. Did the swan wonder if he would have been accepted if his appearance did not become “beautiful?”

Bullying can affect our perception of ourselves

Years of bullying in childhood can affect our perception of ourselves. It can cause us to feel we are not accepted for who we are. This can be due to discrimination from learning disabilities, ethnicity, religion or gender identity. My heart breaks for all of the swans that have felt the need to be someone else. It takes more than a few kind words from others to accept ourselves after years of rejection.

My story of a little girl

There once was a little girl that felt different from those around her. She was told she was “ugly” at school because of the way she dressed. At home she was the one “stirring the pot.” This little girl was quiet and sensitive, but she had a huge imagination and heart. She was creative, had a unique sense of humor, and was very active. Outside of the home, she questioned her religion and church beliefs. She did not conform to the conservative beliefs around her. What looked like was rebellion was actually autonomy. She was trying to figure out her own beliefs, yet she was scorned for this.

Becoming a swan

Eventually, according to the world around her, the girl became a swan. Sadly though, deep inside, she still felt like the ugly duckling. She began concentrating on the outward aspects since she was now considered a swan and wondered if that was why the world seemed to accept her. Maybe, she wondered, that’s how she could finally be loved, accepted, and no longer rejected? Not getting to really know who the swan was on the inside and focusing on her outside image only hurt her more.

Becoming a “swan” outwardly in our superficial world held power for her. Was her inner swan being seen? Was she destined to always feel like the ugly duckling? People are drawn to attractive photos, even animation (like this one) and they get more attention.

Are we repeating hurtful words that have been said to us?

Words hurt, it’s a lie to say they don’t. Are we repeating the hurtful words that may have been said to us? If it’s true, it’s not the gang of ducks that’s hurting us now but our own self-talk. We need to accept those around us for who they are! A swan is a swan and not a duck. If the baby swan would’ve kept trying to fit in with the ducks, she would never have discovered the inner swan she was meant to be! That's so true for some of us, but it can take a lifetime to learn, if we learn it at all.

Please be your inner swan or duck and love them for who they are. That is what is truly beautiful.

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**The little girl is still learning. I am still learning. I am also learning how important it is to accept others for who they are and not try to change them. The little girl and the swan need to accept who they really are and let the old ideas go. Their true selves are beautiful inside and out. **

Question:

Have you ever tried to hide your true self to fit in?