Sociopath in the Classroom

Don't be fooled

*Trigger warning** There are certain people that manipulate and target others for their own agenda. They exploit your vulnerabilities. They become who you think you want them to be. When they think they've established that they go in for the kill.

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I encountered one many years ago at my son’s school orientation. I was new to the area and didn’t know many people. My son didn’t either and hoped we could both make friends

The impossibly young-looking teacher split us up into groups. Our group was with a middle-aged dad and his son. We had another boy in our group sans parent. I tried to include him as much as I could to our group.

He made a Dad joke

When the activity was over, the dad in the group made a generic dad joke. To be polite I looked over at him and smiled. I thought nothing of our “interaction’ as I walked back over to the rest of the class to listen to the teacher

The young red-headed teacher cleared her throat and began the orientation. Behind me I felt a large hand slide across my waist, and it lingered near my backside. “Excuse me” a man’s voice murmured in my ear. It was the dad from the group!

“Oh! Sorry!” I said aloud. The teacher stopped speaking and caught my eye before continuing.

It had to somehow be my fault

What the hell was that? I thought. It had to be a mistake, right? Why would he do that in plain sight?

I did not see this dad again until a class birthday party a few weeks later. He slid into the bench next to me. My eyes darted across the room for a place to go.

“I see your son is a soccer player” He motioned to my son's uniform

“Yes, he is!” I answered

“He should get lessons. Do you know that sports complex on Burbank Street?”

I nodded. Something about him made me uncomfortable

“I own that! Your boy Abram, right? Should take lessons.”

“I don’t know, money is tight” I said

“The first few weeks are free. You’d be crazy not to accept my offer” he said with a wink. Was he flirting or just nice?

I looked over at my son. He was talking to the dad’s son. It was glad Abram made a friend, maybe I was imagining things. He was a parent and local business owner

“My name is Sam”. The dad said holding out his hand

“Carli,” I reluctantly shook his hand. He didn’t seem that creepy now and my son did love soccer!

Odd messages would show up in my email

I signed up him up for the classes. Abram seemed to thrive, Sam (Mr. S.) seemed to take a special interest in him – and me! Was I imagining it?

It turned out I was not imagining it! Emails from Sam’s Sports Complex would flood my inbox, and odd messages would turn up in the middle of lengthy, informative emails. “Are you home during the day?” followed by basic information and a sport’s schedule.

He would also joke and say, “Hey, there's the prettiest soccer mom in town” and wink at me.

He was married and a local business owner. Why would he be flirting with me? Maybe that’s how his gregarious personality was? I’d tell myself

Then more unwanted comments and gestures were made. I told my husband, and I made the rough decision to take my son out of his clinic. My son cried when I told him. I couldn't explain why we had to discontinue classes at the sports complex.

He preyed on women and their vulnerabilities

Soon after we left the complex comments from other women came out. There were other victims. He was a predator for sure. A cheater, you name it. I was far from the only class mom and woman at his business he made a pass at.

He preyed on women, preyed on their vulnerabilities. That’s what sociopaths do

He would not get away with it. He did not. I called him out. I reported him to a school he was going to speak at. I made sure the teachers knew as well. Some were targeted as well. More women spoke up and eventually his business was shut down.

I was an advocate

I was an advocate. I spoke up. I encouraged other women to speak up and share their stories. This quiet, unassuming, middle-aged woman made a difference.

The predator - a poem

You invaded my personal space.

You are a disgrace!

You caused me to further mistrust men

I know that was then

You would follow me

And show up coincidentally

I grew tired of looking over my shoulder

Then one day I got bolder

I looked him in the eye

And asked him why

You're not fooling me

Leave me be!

I called him out

for the scumbag he was

with shoulders slumped

he walked away

never to invade my personal space again.

You did not take my voice

I had a choice

You did not take the voice of the women here

We would not live in fear

Yet sometimes I still do.

I will never understand people like you