Pre-Christmas Blues

Photos and memories. I have no idea what to write

Dec 21, 2025

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted an article on Substack.

After 424 posts am I’m out of ideas? Maybe I need a break from this?

There’s been poetry at least. Oh, and that post I deleted today.

Losing at least 10 subscribers, and a triggering comment on a post this week has amplified those feelings. I deleted that particular post for myself, not them. Keeping or deleting a post is a decision I can only make. The post did not sit right in my gut. Time to move on.

Still, I questioned myself. Maybe I was that person described? I felt it today. Maybe it’s because I’m under the weather and it’s been a long week with work. Things will look brighter tomorrow. They always do.

The anxiety and mini panic attacks I’ve been having are part of it. The other day I could feel one coming on. My husband Mike, sat with me until I could feel it pass. Underneath it all I realized how much grief has been lying under what I thought was anxiety. Tears of grief poured out from somewhere deep inside of me. There were so many I missed, too many to take it all in. Sitting together we gazed at our Christmas tree. We talked about how every color light on the tree represented someone we grieved, and we reminisced about them. Their lights will shine on forever as much as we miss them.

I feel like I am grieving losses more than ever this year. Then I say that every year. Maybe we can forget how much we grieved before until the holidays trigger those losses all over again.

Please be kind to everyone. Try to give grace to others. We don’t know their battles. It is a reminder to me as well. We are all stressed and some of us are at our breaking points. One kind word or smile could be all someone needs at that moment.

Here are some photos from long ago and today. Sometimes photos will say what words can’t.