“Did you hear?” My friend texted me one morning. She forwarded an obituary to me. Another classmate of our’s had passed away.
It was “Tess”. Memories flooded back. I still carried that image of her from high school, she was tough and mean, she was also my first (and only) high school fight.
It had been over 30 years since our confrontation, yet it seemed like yesterday
It was exam time in my 12th grade class. We had to spread apart in the classroom for testing. On my way to taking an empty seat behind my classmate Tess, I accidentally stepped on her folder that was on the floor.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said absentmindedly.
She turned around and gave me a death stare.
“I’m sorry,” I said honestly.
“After class, you die,” she said to me. I floundered. This was the first time either one of us had spoken to each other. I had no ill feelings towards her. I would’ve probably been her friend if she were nice, or at least civil. She obviously had ill feelings towards me.
She followed me down the hall after class
I was hoping she would forget about me stepping on her folder, but she followed me down the hall after class
“Well. Jane. You walk around the school like you own the place.” She taunted in my ear.
“No, I don’t!” I protested. If anything, I felt the opposite.
“Someone is going to teach you a lesson and it’s going to be me,” she said and gave me a shove.
I shoved her back, and then I immediately apologized to her.
That didn’t stop her.
She continued to hurl insults at me until she pushed me too far. I dropped my books in the hall, looked at her in the eye and said, “That’s it, Tess!!”
I let loose like Ralphie
You could say I let loose on her like Ralphie on “A Christmas Story”. Actually, I did. (without the tears). An endless round of punching and hair pulling came from me while she cowered.
When I was done unleashing my wrath, I saw dozens of students standing around watching. Half of the school had seen this! I was mortified.
“Look at all these people!” I said. Then I immediate deflected. “You just made a fool of yourself.”
“No… you did,” she said through sobs.
I laughed and said coolly, “Oh, I don’t think so.”
The students parted for us as we walked down the hall.
Classmates stood mouths open as they looked at myself and her. I could hear her sobs as she left the building.
I remained calm on the outside, but inside I was in turmoil.
Because of the fight, I missed the bus.
I walked into the guidance counselor’s office; I took one look at him and immediately broke down in tears.
“I didn’t’ want to fight. I’m sorry.” I hated conflict. I told him about my plight with Tess.
“Well, no one saw the fight,” he said.
I shook my head through tears.
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” he assured me.
I asked to call my mom, and he handed me the phone.
My mom had already heard the news of my fight at school. It was the talk of the bus by then, and my brother told her when he got home. I felt horrible and ashamed.
A school fight in the 1980s vs 2025
If this fight had happened in 2025, instead of the late 80s it would’ve been a very different story. Videos of it would be all over social media and maybe a lawsuit. We could’ve been expelled. Who knows? All I know was that I was pushed to my limits, and I fought back.
I was scared after that. She was much bigger and stronger than my 110 lb. 5-foot 5 frame. Or so I thought.
Then the prank phone calls started. In school, verbal insults were directed at me until one day I looked her in the eye and told her to let it go. I thought I’d get my ass kicked after class. I did not. In fact, she didn’t say a word or look my way ever again.
Why did she target me?
Why did she target me? Not sure. Did I act like I owned the school? Not sure. Did I feel that way about myself? Not at all. Did she misinterpret my friends and I laughing at something else and glancing her way? Did she think we were laughing at her? Who knows?
Was I perfect? Far from it. Did I bully? Yes. It was mean girl stuff as a 15-year-old, but words hurt. I wish I could change it all, but I can’t. It rips me apart. I am sorry to my soul.
I wonder if Tess ever changed. I’m sure she did. We are not the same person we were back in high school or even 5 years ago. As humans we continue to evolve. Life isn’t easy, we have people we love, and we lose people we love too. We have to give ourselves and others grace sometimes.
I don’t know why I triggered you that day, Tess. I don’t know if you were a target of bullying at school or at home. Maybe both. I didn’t know your pain. You didn’t know mine.
I truly hope you found peace and joy in life. I need to forgive you. Most of all l need to forgive myself.
I’m sorry if you felt pain in your life, so much that you had to bully others. It’s unfair that your life was cut short. Rest in Peace Tess.
Touching story. Rest in peace, Tess. Forgive yourself if you haven't already. Maybe she secretly wanted to be your friend and felt ignored? Maybe she was looking for trouble? Maybe y'all were young and each with your own worlds you were dealing with. Thanks for sharing
I remember having one fight when I was about 15 or 16 all I remember is that a girl named was Marlene Konupka something like that at the orphanage was on top of me, screaming while she was pulling my hair and I was scratching her face trying to get her off of me. She was twice my size. I remember it like it was yesterday, but what it was about, that I can’t remember. Needless to say Mother Superior had a word with both of us.