Liminal June

Why does June feel like a sad off month? It’s a start to my favorite season and a prelude to my favorite month.

It feels like a portal and a liminal space as I try to find my footing once again.

Graduations, last days of school, maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s something deeper

Is it the anniversary of deaths, my own miscarriage many years ago, the death of my father-in-law, my own father’s terminal illness diagnosis, death of pets? Was it the camp I dreaded after school was over. The religious camp that was fire and brim stone that felt cold and unfamiliar to little Jane?

Is it just that it’s the end to another year and a reminder of the passage of time. There is a disorientation and you wonder what is next, while at the same time clinging on to the old.

Maybe I shouldn’t rush through these times.. I can grieve. I will eventually move on. The sun shines through the clouds and I can see areas of blue. Oceans of change. Summer.

I will say goodbye to this stage of life, when I’m ready. My body knows when.

It reminds me that you have to say goodbye before saying hello. New beginnings start after a loss and it doesn’t matter how small.

Photos and writing by: Jane Deegan