Your Criticism of Other Writers is not an Inspiration to me.

Your insults to writers here and on other platforms, did not inspire me.

I let it affect me though. I listened to your post, yes listened. That was the mistake.

In your article, you insulted several writers on this platform. There was one I thought, “Is that me?” Yes, my paranoid brain wondered if my writing was being critiqued without asking. I read the article later and it was not the case. The excerpt had grammatical and spelling errors yes, and I’m sure the writer didn’t ask to be made an example of.

I’m dealing with my own inadequacies. As I write this, I worry about my writing being judged. I am almost too paralyzed to write now. I internalized your words, and it is 100% on me. It is about my own insecurities, my old wounds of never being enough. I am working on that. Change does not happen overnight.

Once I reached out to you. I was hoping for a shred of kindness, and maybe some inspiration. Deep inside I wanted a mentor. It was not to be found, even though you did respond to me initially. Part of my inquiry was about costs, as I was on a tight budget at the time. I was immediately ghosted. Dollar signs, I’m sure affected your lack of response to me.

It’s my own fault that I let you feel make me feel small. I may be a speck of dust to you as a writer, but only I can give myself permission to accept that.

You triggered me.

In my mind I saw a cold boss I had in my thirties, a male boss in my twenties that insulted me in front of clients, my 3rd grade teacher that almost failed me and preyed on my sensitivities. I saw backhanded comments from others in my life that called me stupid or airheaded. I saw the girl and woman in myself that was overcompensating for having ADHD and still came up short. I saw myself for the times I was chastised for that ONE error. Now I see the person that still insults herself first, so no one has to. I’m working on that, and change does not happen overnight.

I came to Substack to have a platform to write, to heal and to connect with other writers. If and when I am looking for someone to edit and publish my work, it will not be you.

May I add we learn from our mistakes? The moment we think we have arrived it is over for us. We are constantly learning and growing as humans.

Thanks for reading this post from a human.