Brain Scribbles Again

Monday's, anxious raw writing

Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash

My brain is scribbling again

A slippery slope

Why?

So I write

I’m looking for answers

I don’t know where to start

with work

responsibilities in life

It’s in front of me, yet I can’t

Like a kid trying to chores before play

or write a report on a sunny day

I dig my heels deeper

I worry

I have no control

I can’t breathe

My mind goes to the darkest places

It will be OK

I don’t believe it though

So much to do so much to do

yet I am failing

Photo by Karsten Würth on Unsplash

How did I

navigate emergency situations

give life to a human

write out of thin air but

be unable to find a form?

A simple form!

Why does everything vie for my attention?

why am I lost in that?

why do I use it to numb?

Fear is gripping me

it's under my skin

I will be found out

I will be called out

they will see me for the screw up I am

The house of cards is falling so fast

I need help

Yet I want to do it on my own

There are some

that see the details

they see the logic

some create like me

they can interact with others

they go by intuition

I see my gifts. I want both. Why can’t I?

I take a deep breath

my body told me to do that

my body told me to write

the answers are inside

but I can’t see them beyond the never-ending scribbles