Before you were my Mom

Discovering who you were

It’s funny how we can see our mom as “Mom” and forget that she was a person before she became mom. We remember our mom making lunches and taking care of us when we were sick. She would remind us to do our chores and we would roll our eyes. She would listen to our latest plights with our friends. She would sing to us at bedtime and scare away the monsters.

As adults we need our moms more than ever. We need her to help us make grown up decisions, to support us in our careers and in our relationships. We need her to be there if we become parents ourselves. If our moms have the gift of long life, we would be there for her as she grew old. The role from mom to child may reverse as she got older, but she would always be our mom.

Who was my mom really?

Recently I was looking at old photos of my mom. There were photos of her as a baby being held by her own mother. Photos of her as a little girl holding a kitten. Photos of her being a daughter, a sister, a friend and being the person she was born to be Marilyn (aka Mom).

My mom was about 10 years-old here.

My mom passed away over 14 years ago and I think of her more than ever. There were so many things I still wish I could ask her, but I accept those are things I will never have answers for. I have to wonder who she really was besides being our mom.

What was it like for her watching her children growing up and becoming teens? How many nights did she lie awake worrying about us? It had to be difficult going through menopause and becoming older. It had to be hard dealing with a chronic illness. I wonder if she ever felt like she lost herself or she wondered who she really was. Like I have.

My mom as a teen (on right) with her bestie

As I look through photos, the most interesting are of her young adult life. She went to college, art school, voluntary service at 19 in the inner city of Cleveland. She became an elementary school art teacher. She fell in love, and she was proposed to by three different men! The third was my dad and she accepted of course!

My dad was in the army reserves and was called to Arkansas for the Berlin Crisis soon after they got married. My mom confided to us that sometimes she would cry in the art closet at school because she missed my dad and didn’t know if he would be called to war. My mom would eventually move to live with my dad for a year when he was stationed in Arkansas. She said that time there was like a second honeymoon for them.

My mom and dad in their 20s

A few years after they were married, she became a mother to my sister, then myself and then to my brother. She was a mother of three, but she was still Marilyn.

She left her job as an art teacher to become a full time stay at home mom. She loved being a stay-at-home mom, but she missed being a teacher too. She sometimes would say she would dream she was teaching again. She loved the smell of a school. I didn’t understand it when I was younger. Who would like the smell of a school let alone dream about it? I get it now, Mom. You loved being a mom but you also, missed that part of yourself.

My mom as a young adult

My mom kept up with her love of art and would paint pet portraits and landscapes I'm thankful she revisited that part of herself whom was an artist. She would volunteer her time at a summer camp and would help children create artwork. She was always there for us. She was there when we came home from school. She would listen to our day and about our worries too. She was our mother and she loved us fiercely.

My sister, brother and I celebrating our mom’s birthday

I see you Mom and I also see the person you were before you became a mother. I see a beautiful, kind, intelligent, talented woman who was named Marilyn. I’m a middle-aged woman now, but I think I’m finally getting it.

Thanks for being our mom. We love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!