Alien Abduction - Planet Menopause- Raw writing
I don't recognize myself anymore
No one talks about this. Not really
I am writing unfiltered without much editing, you know why? I’m so tired of editing myself and worrying about what others will think. Even when I edit, it’s not enough. It’s never enough.
I’m 56 and does that make a difference? Why do I feel shame?
How I feel inside does not catch up with my reflection most days.
I feel 35 inside- sometimes 16, but the mirror doesn’t lie. My body doesn’t lie either as hard as I try to fight it. It’s exhausting.
I tried on clothes for vacation and nothing fits. I’ve gained weight again. Some muscle and but also weight.
Menopause decided I’m going to distribute it here. It’s a cruel joke.
It makes me want to hide in the baggiest of clothes - but I won’t - because nothing is baggy anymore and I am saving $$.
I want to hide period.
Trying to keep up with my business with knee and back issues and a foggy brain doesn’t help. Wanting to stare into space all day instead - but I don’t. I wonder if I’m failing in life. Is my business? It’s over my head - so much and I want to run. Am I screwing that up too? I feel it every day I failed.
I don’t expect anyone to understand. I don’t understand myself.
We are going to the beach soon. I will dress my body as I want. I will try to have fun. Knee issues, back issue and body image issues. Yet, I dread it at the same time. Growing older. It sucks!
Having chronic pain - it doesn’t help.
I want my body from a few years ago. Knees that didn’t swell, the abdominal fat and bloat that wasn’t there, a back that didn’t hurt, and a brain that wasn’t, so fuzzy that I make careless mistakes - more than usually even with ADHD.
Menopause. It’s an alien that takes over. I avoid your messages. I avoid so much.
Now physical therapy. Yep, I’m a number there along with everyone else.
Jane, everything you speak up is valid. I remember menopause, it does suck. One day in the winter (at a friends house) I threw my sweater of and loosened my jeans. Having chronic pain, is horrific. I’ve been dealing with a back issue for two weeks because I threw my back out thinking I could life furniture by myself. I haven’t had it checked yet but told my daughter today that I will get an order for an x-ray. I can empathize with everything you speak of and I can just imagine what you’re going through at 56. I’m 72 now and my frame is small, I’m no longer nice and tall. My weight is only 100 and it frightens me to look at myself this way. Well, I guess as we grow older, there always will be something. My faith in myself and the light from above keeps me fighting through all the bull crap. May you always find a reason to smile pretty lady.
My wife has recently been through this. It is crazy how no one talks about it and yet it is going to happen to every women at some point. Some are trying to cash in on it which is yuckie. We did discover some useful books which helped. But yeah, everything changes and it is like a train crash. My wife is doing pretty well now and exercising a lot helps her as well in more than one way.