Aging. (Why am I still struggling with those standards?) This is 56!

I wasted an hour of my life looking for an "acceptable" profile photo and found 0.

Filter free and makeup free, but I look happy!

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Why is it so hard grasping my age? This morning, I spent an hour looking for a profile photo and even the filtered photos weren’t good enough. I saw too many wrinkles, too tired, too old, smiling too much, not smiling and the list went on.

I finally decided I wanted an authentic photo where I look truly happy. So many were posed and difficult to find.

It makes me wonder as women if we are we expected to look 20 or 30 or 40 forever? Is it ok to look like a 56-year-old woman? Why do I feel judged for being the age I am? Why do I feel I have to hide my natural aging process?

Past judgements words do sting

I was teased when I was younger for being "ugly" I was teased for my clothes, I was teased for being shy. I was call stupid and lazy. Then in my teen years the world decided I was pretty. Deep down inside do I equate being pretty with being loved? Do I worry as I age that I will not be accepted? Do I worry I will be forgotten once again? I fight those fears as I desperately cling on to my youth. Logically, I know those are lies I’m telling myself - but to my core part of me believes this.

Fake social media images

It doesn’t help that in our culture, aging in women is a taboo. I swear those AI images are making it worse on top of the millions of airbrushed, altered photos everywhere you turn. I also struggle with body dysmorphia and that compounds those feelings. It is a struggle I face daily. I am trying.

I’m tired of fake. I’m tired of the posed self-conscious photos. I want a photo where I am happy and not perfectly filtered but happy inside. That is truly beautiful.

Here is one!

By Jane Deegan 4/12/25